In the 2025-2026 school year, FCSN held focus groups with families from six different language communities (Portuguese, Spanish, Haitian Creole, Chinese, Vietnamese, and English). These conversations showed real stories behind school data. Families shared how their children are often sent home without a paper trail, and they also shared powerful examples of what happens when schools get it right.
A Language of Blame
Many families felt that the word “discipline” is often used to blame children and parents rather than to find solutions. English-speaking parents noticed that if a child has a visible disability (like using a wheelchair), teachers might understand that acting out comes from discomfort or problems with accessibility. But if a child has an invisible disability (like autism or anxiety), they are often labeled as “troublemakers” or “bad boys.” Chinese parents felt that school emails are mostly sent to blame parents instead of asking them to help solve the problem. Spanish, Portuguese, and Haitian families added that schools often make final decisions about punishments without talking to the family first.
“The teacher’s email was to blame me—telling me to lecture my child at home. But my child has an IEP. If I could solve it myself, he wouldn’t need an IEP, right?”
Sending Kids Home Early
A major issue for almost every family was the use of unrecorded early pick-ups. In the English-speaking group, every single parent had been asked to pick up their child early because of behavior. Because schools do not always write up formal paperwork for these pick-ups, they are kept “off the books.” This means schools can bypass legal protections that are supposed to keep students with disabilities in school. Parents are also frustrated that schools often rely on simple reward-and-punishment charts instead of deeper support, like a Functional Behavioral Assessment (FBA), which looks at why a behavior is happening. 
“Once they said he was too unsafe to be in a class with a teacher and two paras… but I was expected to get him home safely somehow by myself. No support, just blame.”
Bright Spots: What Works
Amid the challenges, families pointed to specific success stories that show exactly how schools can support students effectively. Parents noted that when educators treat them as partners and look at behavior with curiosity rather than anger, everything changes.
- Communication that Builds Trust: One Haitian parent shared how a teacher kept a daily journal with them. This constant, two-way communication helped reduce behavioral incidents dramatically. In the English group, a family highlighted how much they appreciated a school that used a strictly factual, objective communication form, stripping away any emotional blame or judgment.
- Flipping the Playbook on Punishment: A Chinese mother shared a wonderful example of a school turning a negative into a positive. Instead of using the principal’s office as a scary punishment, the school used visits to the principal as a reward and a quiet place to escape sensory overload.
- Collaborative Teams: Spanish-speaking parents highlighted positive experiences working with multidisciplinary teams where specialists, teachers, and parents sat down together to look at academic, emotional, and social needs as a whole, rather than just focusing on a rule infraction.
“Us vs.Them”
When these positive strategies are missing, parents explained that school discipline practices become the number one thing that divides families and schools. It creates a “us vs. them” attitude instead of a teamwork approach. Families across the board feel that patience and empathy are the most critical ingredients, and when they are replaced by a rigid focus on rules and compliance, the relationship breaks down.
“Until their behaviors are explained, they pay the price.”
What Families Want
Families across all communities were clear: schools need to be proactive, kind, and respectful. They recommended that schools:
- Look for the root cause of a behavior and use therapy, special education data, and support instead of relying on punishments.
- Write everything down when a child is sent home early, and give parents immediate written notices in their home language.
- Train all school staff, including general education teachers and art and music specialists, on trauma-informed care and invisible disabilities.
- Work as a team with parents, treating families as experts who know what triggers their child and what calms them down.
- Celebrate the wins, ensuring that communication includes positive daily feedback, not just phone calls when something goes wrong.
